Self-Portraits
We are what we believe we are - C.S.Lewis
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Am I good enough
Am I Good Enough - It's something that holds us back from being the best that we can be. That nougat of self-doubt that engulfs us all, the imposter syndrome. But if we step over that little nougat, just think what we can achieve?
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." - Benjamin Mee - 'We Bought A Zoo'
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“Where flowers bloom so does hope” - Lady Bird Johnson
This image is one of pure emotion. I'm tired, I've nothing left in me, it's raw. But as a self confessed people pleaser, if someone simply asked me to do something for them, with the last ounce of life in me, I would do it.
After seeing this image, I went out into the garden looking for a full flower and stopped myself. I like the fact that there is a petal missing, not everything in life has to be perfect.
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Japanese Faces - The Japanese say that you have three faces, the public one, the one that everyone sees, then we have the one reserved for only our close friends and family and finally, our true face, the face that people rarely see.
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Silenced - Have you ever found yourself in a room full of people and unable to utter a word? From a young age I suffered with a stammer. I couldn't hold a full conversation and it was mortifying. I was teased relentlessly about it at primary school, it was humiliating! A switch flicked when I was 10. I remember the day well, I was due to start a new school, I was the only person going and all my classmates were going to a different school, one that I wasn't in the catchment area for. For me it was either carrying on as I had since I learned to speak, or change, it was either sink or swim, I chose to swim. Thinking back now, I think I put on armour, a brave face. I took a deep breath and fooled everyone into thinking that I was this kid who was full of confidence, I put on an act and thankfully pulled it off.
If you want to improve you self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator. — Tim Fargo
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Pandemic - Cindy Sherman has been a great inspiration for me, and I knew that she was going to be part of this project. She's an American artist whose work consists primarily of photographic self-portraits, depicting herself in many different contexts and as various characters. I love how she can transform herself into different people. Influenced by Sherman, I did become slightly obsessed with props at the beginning of this project. They gave me the confidence to pick up the camera and get started. She has influenced me and this project wouldn't be complete without a Sherman inspired image. Although Covid-19 bought about many restrictions, it did have a positive impact, it enabled us to spend more time with our families. We really enjoyed the novelty of our countryside walks, finding new areas to explore and then refreshing our pallets with copious amounts of food, hence the beautiful flowers and the pigs nose!
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Crown Tribulation - This image was one of the first that I produced for this project. The feather cape that I'm wearing reminds me of a warrior and the barbed wire a halo. People often perceive you in a certain way, I'm quite involved in my community, I'm a director of Stone is where the heart is, we are the traders in Stone High Street. We encourage people to come and shop in our town. I'm also a keen networker, being team leader for Stone Lunchtime Networkin group and I'm also a committee member of Stafford and Stone Canoe Club. People may refer to me as being a lovely person, but that halo can become spiky and puts pressure on you to behave in a certain way. I live in a small town, these people could be clients or potential clients, I always feel like I need to portray myself in the best light possible.
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Trapped - We've all been there, feeling absolutely at your wits end! This is me wrapped in barbed wire. My boys were home schooling again, my husband was working from home, we were all under the same roof. I was cooking 21 plus meals a week, the house was never tidy, and I guess I felt a little trapped.
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Warrior - It took some time to come up with a name for this image and then one day I looked at it and the name came to me - Warrior. It's one of my favourite images from the collection. This person is an individual, she is passionate, she is a somebody, she has a soul...
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Nature - The image here represents the landscape, being outside, being at one with nature, inhaling a deep breath and absorbing what is around you. The tree has a curve, depicting femininity, family and roots.
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Sinking - You're trying to hold the fort, you're trying your best to keep it all together but as hard as you try, you keep being dragged back down.
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Fire - As my project developed and lockdown was easing, I decided to delve back into what I love doing - environmental portraits! And what do you do when you find a ditch? You lie down in it and let the magic happen! This image here is of me on fire, it could be interpreted as the end or it could be seen as me being reborn as lockdown was ending and restrictions were easing.
It begins with absence and a longing. It begins with fear and the unknown. It begins with believing in yourself.
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Roots - This image is about family and roots. My husband works away from home a lot, so it's me that needs to stay grounded and be there for our boys. To be their foundation. They are now 13 and 15 and some days it's easier said than done. I'd love to be the perfect mum, but sometimes they just know how to push your buttons, some days it's so frustrating and it seems impossible, so this is what this image represents, frustration.
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